My Quarterlife Crisis

I remember listening to John Mayer's song Why Georgia? for the first time during my senior year of high school. I knew all the lyrics, but at the time I didn't really understand their meaning. But over the past several years, Mayer's words have taken up residence in my soul. All of a sudden, I found myself wondering "about the outcome of my still verdictless life." I began to question who I was, where I was going, and what exactly I'm suppose to be doing with my life. A quarterlife crisis is no longer just a phrase referred to in a pop song...it is a period of life that I can identify with far too well.

I'm pretty sure that, forty years ago, people didn't have quarterlife crises. (And if they did, they probably didn't have a term for it). I think it's a relatively new phenomenon...and something that we, as a society, have created. Think about it: our generation has more options and opportunities than any other generation before us. To an extent, it's exciting; it's also incredibly overwhelming...and I can't help but think that we've done ourselves a disservice by creating so many opportunities and options. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I would rather live in a society where I'm told exactly what I can do and what I can't; what I have to be and what I can't be. I think that opportunity, and the freedom to decide which opportunities we want to pursue, are wonderful things; but I also think that, with all these opportunities and options, we've created impossible standards for ourselves. It's no longer enough to just have a job and be grateful for the fact that you have the means to put a roof over your head and food on the table...we've convinced ourselves that now we have to love our jobs and feel completely fulfilled with what we do every single day. And we haven't confined this expectation for constant joy and fulfillment solely to our careers...we've applied it to every aspect of our lives - from relationships, to our identities, to our economic status. We've created impossible standards that can't be met by anything or anyone of this world, and as a result we're unsatisfied. Nobody's happy because we have an unrealistic idea of what life and happiness are really about.

I know that life forty years ago wasn't easy and that, in terms of quality of life, so much has improved since then; but forty years ago people understood that life isn't always perfect and that you're not going to be happy with the way things are all the damn time. So when did we convince ourselves that it is? When did we convince ourselves that anything in this world is suppose to be perfect? We're imperfect beings living in an imperfect world...that's never going to change. But when did we forget this?

In many ways, I feel more confused about my life and who I am now than I did four years ago. But four years ago I had a neat little road map for my future laid out in front of me (which society graciously provided me with). I knew that I still had at least three more years of college ahead of me, and though I couldn't see which way the road turned after that, I didn't care...life was carefree and easy, and I was on cruise control. But before I knew it, I was at a crossroad...I was graduating and no one was telling me if I should turn left, or right, or keep straight. I had driven to the edge of my map, and I didn't like the uncertainty and vulnerability that it made me feel. I didn't like how many options I had to chose from, and I was fearful of choosing the wrong one and going in the wrong direction. Over the past several months I have been reminded that the path that society forges is not always the best route for everyone. We can't plug our life into Google Maps and expect the same set of directions as our neighbor. The quickest route is not always the most scenic...and we have to learn how to stop measuring success and happiness by such impossible, worldly standards, or we're never going to experience true satisfaction.

Despite all these revelations, I know that I'm still a product of our society...I still find myself asking if "I'm living it right?" I still find myself questioning the road ahead. But I know that there's a better road map for this life...and I'm struggling to remind myself that his compass works much better than mine.